Self-Medicating With Smoking |
One thing I have learned about myself in my journey to quit
smoking is that I use it to self-medicate. I doubt I’m the only one who does
so. For me I am self-medicating for panic attacks and an anxiety disorder. I’ve
had those most of my life, but they started getting better when I started
smoking. I started smoking when I was 12 years old. Not something I’m
particularly proud of.
Since my Mom died in 2010, I’ve had a lot more panic attacks
and over-all anxiety than normal. This means I’ve reached for my fail safe far
more often. Quitting smoking is hard enough, stressful enough, by itself. With
the added stress of my finances crumbling, the strain of my Mom’s passing, and
what seemed like months of Murphy’s Law being in effect…it’s become almost
impossible. But I’m still trying. I don’t always get very far, a few days, a
few weeks, even a few months at one point…then the panic sets in hard core. I
try to ignore it, try to move past it, but I keep failing.
It’s not because I don’t want to quit smoking. Oh I do very
much. But I haven’t the habits in place to replace smoking yet. The usual
methods aren’t working, and my doctor and I are working on my meds, but
sometimes I feel stuck in a never ending cycle. I hate smoking, but I haven’t
figured out another method of dealing with the panic yet. It’s a cycle of
testing out different methods, hoping that one day I will hit the nail on the
head and finally be done.
Why do you smoke? What roadblocks have you hit?